BitterSweet
by Luna34-Rogue
Summary: Connie is in love. Mike is unsure. This is a romance, with a twist.
1. Prologue

I used to be a hopeless romantic (keyword, hopeless.) but then Nick happened. I met him in college. Even though he was a womanizing, sexist pig I went for him. He was charming as hell and so hot. Call me crazy, but I fell for his act. We dated for all four years.

We were in love, or so I thought…

He took me on one of the nicest restaurants in New York. We sat down and ordered some water. I sipped on it anxiously. When the waiter came back, Nick ordered us some red wine. Before the waiter could bring our drinks, he told me what he brought me here for.

"Connie, there's something I need to tell you. I'm breaking up with you." He said.

I couldn't speak. I stared at him. He looked uncomfortable, not remorseful. When the waiter brought our drinks, he asked for the check. That asshole! I gave him four years of my life and this is what I get? I told myself not to get angry. But, unfortunately, that went out the window.

"You son of a bitch!" I splashed my water in his face. I was beyond devastated.

But, all that's behind me now. Romance is nonexistent in my life. Sure, I've met a few men since then, but I never got too close. It hurts less that way and I'm better off. It might be a cynical way to live, especially considering I'm usually an optimist. It's a justifiable contradiction to me. I hoped my job would make up for all of this heartbreak. I was good at burying myself in my work and that's what I did. A few years passed and finally by that time I was completely over that rat. I'd gotten into a rhythm. All I did was work. Though, on occasion I went for a drink with the few friends that had stuck with me. I never really cut loose. Until one day…


	2. Chapter One

There was definite chemistry between Mike and I, albeit work related. But it could be more. Maybe I was attracted to his commitment to our cases. Maybe not. Possibly, it could be his impressive conviction rate. Doubtful. Or, I could just _want him_... Hmm, that could be it.

Then there are his less attractive traits. Inflated sense of self, compulsion to win at all costs; that look in his eyes when he has the defendant by the balls. Then again, that could be considered a positive depending on who you ask. Jack? He loves Mike. He's a winning machine. I hoped there would be more to Mike than just that. If there is, I have yet to see it.

I walked into Mike's office in my usual work attire. But today, my skirt's a little shorter and my blouse a little low cut than normal. I wanted to see if he would notice. He seemed oblivious, as he always is. I decided to turn it up a notch. I leaned on his desk, knowing cleavage would show. This, I am sure, Mike will notice. No reaction whatsoever. I notice he is shuffling around papers and going through his desk drawers like mad.

"Are you okay?" I ask with a hint of a smile.

"Yeah, fine." He says, though he is clearly not.

"Did you lose something?" I said.

"Yes, the deposition on the case against Dean Samson. I can't find it anywhere!" He said

"What about your briefcase?" I asked.

A light bulb must have gone off, because he grabbed that ugly, brown case and after thirty seconds or so, he found it. What was going on? He's usually not this absent-minded.

"Excuse me, Mr. Cutter?" An office girl, about 25, popped her head in the door.

"Yes, Giselle?" he smiled at her.

"Here is the dictation you wanted."The young girl said with a smile.

She had a slight french accent and looked like she'd stepped out of a fashion magazine. Let's just say 'gorgeous' was an understatement.

"Thank you." He replied.

"You're welcome." She gave him a smile and looked at him like he was lunch.

I felt a pang inside. I instantly recognized it as jealousy. Why was I jealous? I mean, sure I have a slight crush on Mike, but jealousy? Since when? My thoughts were interrupted by Giselle calling my name.

"Ms. Rubirosa?" Giselle asked.

I turned my attention to her.

"I was wondering if I could speak to you for a moment."

"Sure." I said. This should be interesting.

We traveled into the hall and she began to talk.

"I'm new to the city and I was thinking it might be nice if we could hang out after work. I have no friends here," She smiled at me sheepishly.

Wow. This would be the perfect opportunity to find out if she likes Mike. Though, I did feel bad for using her for information, I agreed.


	3. Chapter Two

After work, Gisele and I hopped in a cab to my favorite bar. I was counting down the minutes until we arrived. She was surprisingly talkative. It could have been she was nervous. I shuddered at the idea that she looked up to me or something. Just when I thought I couldn't stand anymore of her talking, we pulled up to McCarthy's.

We turned a few heads walking in. Though, it was probably her face that made them stare rather than mine. Sitting at the bar, we ordered our drinks. I had a beer and vodka. I sipped as she chatted once again. It occured to me that if I got her liquored up enough, she would spill the beans on if she liked Mike. Luckily, I was helped along. Two guys at the end of the bar bought us more drinks. I motioned them over. They were good looking, if she flirted with one then maybe I could get my answer that way.

"Hey, ladies." The tall, dark man said in a deep voice.

"Hey." I said.

I looked into the hazel eyes of the slightly shorter man with reddish-blond hair and glasses. He looked down and when he looked back up he smiled. A shy one. How adorable.

"You guys come here a lot?" I asked.

"From time to time. We're here celebrating. Tom just got promoted!" The tall one patted Tom on his back.

"Congratulations, Tom." I put my hand on his arm and smiled.

"Thanks" He beamed at me.

I was trying to get Gisele to flirt with Mr. Tall. He was clearly into her. She was shy as hell! She hadn't said a word this whole time.

"So, Gisele, how long exactly have you been in New York?" I asked.

"Almost six months. I really enjoy it here." She replied.

"Gisele, that's a pretty name. I'm David, by the way." Mr. Tall grinned.

"Nice to meet you, David." The smiled at each other. Tom, meanwhile, hadn't taken his eyes off me.

Oh, crap.

"What do you gentleman do?" Gisele asked.

"We're in finance." David answered.

"Wallstreet?" I inquired.

"Hell, no. Much smaller scale than that." Tom smirked.

"Shit, Tom, could you imagine?" David gave a hearty laugh.

"What do you ladies do?" Tom asked.

"We work in the DA's office." I said casually.

"How is it working with Jack McCoy?" David asked.

"Oh, Jack's great," I answered.

I glanced at my watch and Tom noticed.

"You don't have to go do you?"Tom said as he looked at me with what could only be described as puppy dog eyes.

"No, not yet." I smiled at him.

"If you'd excuse me for a second guys." I said

I pulled Gisele along with me to the restroom. I realized if I was going to ask her about Mike, I would have to do it there.

"Wow, Connie! The men here are so friendly." She grinned ear to ear.

I nodded in fake agreement.

"But I have a confession to make...I like someone already. I didn't know they would come up to us. I was just trying to be nice to them." She looked nervous.

"Oh? You like someone?" I grinned like we were about to engage in girl talk.

"Mr. Cutter,"She squeaked.

I must have gone pale, because she looked nervous again.

"Please, don't tell anyone!" She begged.

"I won't. Your secret's safe with me." I resaured as I finally gained my composure back.

With my suspicions confirmed, we made our way back to the bar. The men were gone, but they'd left their numbers for the bartender to give to Giselle and I. We accepted them and left. I hoped Giselle would give up on Mike and call David. Unfortunately she crumpled up the number and found a nearby trash can to throw it away. Yep, I'm screwed.


	4. Chapter Three

On Thursday, at the end of the day, I got the news I'd been dreading. Giselle got me alone and she was the most excited I've ever seen her. Without her even saying the words, I knew Mike had asked her out. As she was explaining the scenario, I grew more and more sick to my stomach. I nodded and smiled as I was supposed to do. I was supportive and excited for her, though, only on the outside. But she didn't know that, obviously. Even if she knew, girls like her didn't care. They got everything they wanted because of their looks. Call me bitter if you want. But I was beginning to realize I was in love with Mike.

Yes, love, with all the squishy-heart mess. I'd sworn off love, but this was different, I needed him. I needed to feel his kiss, his touch, his body against mine. In this realization, I started to tear up. Giselle cooed at me that I was being so sweet for being happy for her. Get over yourself, bitch. It took everything I had not to scowl at her as she was talking. Finally, our sickening conversation was over. Giselle and I were walking out together, when I saw Mike, who seemed to have a pep in his step.

"Have a good night," He smiled at us.

Giselle said good-bye and left in her car, ginning like an idiot.

I needed a reason to be alone with Mike so I can tell him how I feel. Before it's too late. Then I remembered my ten year college sorority reunion was coming up.

"Mike, I wanted to ask you something."

"Yes?" he asked.

"My ten year sorority reunion is coming up this Saturday. I was wondering if you would be my plus one?"

He paused, and seemed to be contemplating.

"Sure, should be fun,"

"Great," I smiled.

I had no idea what my plan was, but I had to get him back from Giselle. She's completely too young for him and clearly has daddy issues. This reunion should be a perfect excuse to get close to him or at least be near him for a few hours. We could maybe even dance… I daydreamed about Mike holding me close and slow-dancing with me all the way home.

The next day was torture for me at work. Giselle was always making eyes at Mike. Worse still, he seemed to be enjoying her attention. Every time I saw him, my stomach lurched. It was like the butterflies were in a frenzy inside. They were angry. I should be with Mike. All I could think about was grabbing his face and kissing him.

I knew their date was this evening and I had ran out of time to sabotage it. Unless...no, I couldn't. I wasn't that kind of girl. But maybe I could be, just for today. I had to do something.

Just before the end of the day, I pulled Mike aside. I had a plan. I hoped it was a good one.

"Can this wait until Monday? I have somewhere to be," he said, clearly impatient.

"No, it can't. I have to say this right now."

"Connie, is everything alright?" A look of concern washed across his face.

"Yes, of course."

I couldn't get it out without breaking down in front of him. Not intentional by the way. Yes, as brilliant as my plan was, it by no means involved crying. I looked down quickly. He lifted my chin to look at me and then gave me his handkerchief. As I dabbed at me eyes, I tried to will away the shame and embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, Mike. I've got to tell you something. I lo⎯,"

Who should come waltzing around the corner? Giselle.

"Connie, what's wrong?" She rushed over to us.

Her smile vanished when she saw me crying. I didn't expect her to care. It just freakin' figures she's actually a nice person.

"She was just about to tell me," said Mike.

On the bright side, he now had his arm around me. They both looked at me for an explanation.

"It's nothing. I have to go, you two have a great evening," I rushed to get my purse and left. But, just as I was halfway to my car, Mike caught up with me.

"Connie, wait."

I turned to face him, knowing I had ruined things. I did the only thing I could think of, not a kiss, no. But I hugged and clung to him as if he were my lifeline. In so many ways, he was. His arms went around me as he murmured that it was okay. All I had wanted was to be in his arms. But not like this. I was not some weak, tragic woman. As if he read my thoughts, he said: "You don't have to be strong all the time."

"Thank you," I said breathlessly.

As, I looked at him, he smiled warmly. I loved him more in that moment than I ever had before. I had to tell him. Right now.

"I love you."

" You what?" he let go of me.

"I'm sorry. I really am. But you know what? I'm not sorry. I had to tell you. Even though this is extremely inappropriate."

"Connie...I've had a crush on you for a long time. But you're right, this is inappropriate."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I was in shock.

"I thought you'd never go for me...and it's worse me liking you. I'm your boss."

"I don't care. I want us to try. Please?"

I kissed his perfect lips. It was a sweet, gentle kiss. The thing was, he didn't kiss me back.

"Under different circumstances...in a another life, maybe. I'll see you tomorrow for your reunion, okay?" He smiled briefly and left.


	5. Chapter Four

My night was a sleepless one. I cried my eyes out and I looked like hell. I was completely heartbroken. Part of me wanted to uninvite Mike from being my plus one. I couldn't do that, not the day of. Though there was nothing simple about it, I would simply act like nothing was wrong.

Mike arrived at my building at 6 o'clock. He looked so handsome. He was wearing a coat. It being mid December; he needed one. But he didn't wear a tie and the first few buttons of his cobalt blue shirt were undone. Black pants and black shoes were the finishing touch. I had on a strapless black dress, just above knee length. Strappy black heels and gold accessories completed the outfit. My makeup was slightly heavier than usual. I had done a dark smokey eye and nude lip. From the look on Mike's face, he liked what he saw. I smiled at him and hoped it was a dazzling one.

"You look great," He grinned.

"Thank you, you as well."

We got in the cab. His cologne filled the inside and it was the most sensual scent I had ever detected. I couldn't take my eyes off him. We were so close together. But the memories of last night hit like a slap in the face. There was one question I was dying to ask him. I wasn't sure I would like the answer, though.

"How was your date with Giselle?" I asked trying to seem casual.

"It was fine. Just your standard dinner and bar afterwards."

"Oh, that's nice," I mustered up a smile.

A bar? Had she gotten drunk and thrown herself at him? That slut! Wait, I don't know for sure that's what happened. I can't jump to conclusions and lose my head over this. Mike basically told me we were never gonna happen. I needed to accept it. As hard as it may be, so help me, I would get through this.

We arrived at the reunion. Right away I saw some classmates I recognized. Josie, Marisol, and Teena motioned for me to come join them.

"Connie! You look fabulous!" Said Josie.

"Oh, my God, girl, who is that man you're with? He's so yummy!" Teena asked.

"He's just a work colleague. No one special."

If only they knew how untrue that last part was.

"So, he's single?" Teena's eyes were wide.

"Um, no. No, I believe he just started seeing someone," I looked down.

Teena looked visibly disappointed. She was just as much a man eater now as she was in college. I skimmed the room to find Mike. I excused myself, and went to go find him. Maybe it was a mistake coming here. Especially because I might run into Nick. He wouldn't come to this reunion. He'd think it was lame. I found Mike finally, but I also found someone else. It was Nick, a few feet away from me. What was he doing here? As much as I wanted to be strong, all those old feelings of anger, hurt, and sadness returned in full force. Mike must have seen the look on my face because he asked me what was wrong.

"My ex...quick, hide me in your coat," I said whitefaced.

"I'll do better than that," he said as Nick unfortunately looked our way and was coming over.

"Connie! God, it's been forever. How have you been?"

"I'm well, and you?"

Suddenly, Mike took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. I glanced at him and he looked at me knowingly, as if to say 'I got this.'

"Fine, just fine. And this is?" He asked gesturing to Mike.

"Mike Cutter, I'm Connie's boyfriend," he flashed the same confident smile.

My mouth nearly dropped open, but I kept my composure. What is he doing? Is he just simply trying to help me? Even after last night?

"Oh, nice to meet you," Nick smiled tightly at Mike.

"Well, it was lovely seeing you again, Connie. If you would excuse me."

Nick left us and I felt very unsure about our unexpected reunion. I was borderline furious with Mike. I wanted to show Nick that I was okay now and that I was over him. Mike had completely undermined me, as he always does.

"Why did you do that?" I struggled to keep my cool.

"I thought I was helping," He looked genuinely surprised.

"I didn't need help."

"Connie, I'm sorry…"

I looked down as tears formed in my eyes. After a long pause Mike told me it was wrong of him to do that and he apologized again. I told him it was okay. But after that I considered the night ruined. All the things I wanted to say to Nick. I wanted to tell him off and tell him to fuck off. But instead that disaster of a conversation happened. Mike, of course, didn't know all this.

"It's okay. You were just trying to help," I sighed.

"Is there bad blood between you two?" Mike asked.

"Short answer is yes. Can we leave, please?"

"If you leave now, he will think it's because of him. You don't want that, do you? You wanna dance?"

"Are you serious?" I asked incredulously.

"Trust me," he winked at me.


	6. Chapter Five

I smiled as he led me to the dancefloor. A slow song came on. I realized he wanted to make Nick jealous. Wow. Mike really was obsessed with winning. Or in this case, getting even. It might have been the same thing in this instance. Either way I was happy. I was going to get to dance with him. He placed both hands at my waist and my arms went around his neck. He pulled me in close to him, seemingly possessive. I felt like we had a bubble around us, that we were the only two people in the room. I put my head on his shoulder to deepen the ruse we had going on. I wished like hell it wasn't just for show.

"How am I doing?" His voice was like velvet caressing my ear.

"Good. Really good," I smiled.

"He's looking over here. I'm going to kiss you, okay? That will make him crazy…"

Mike kissed me firmly on the lips. I couldn't believe it was happening. I didn't know whether to be offended or delighted. I chose the latter. Even if it was just pretend. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nick leave in a huff. Funny enough, when I pulled away from Mike, he looked like he wasn't ready to stop kissing. I found it odd because he shut me down last night. He needed to make up his mind. He pulled me back to his lips. His tongue slipped into my mouth and I moaned.

"Hey! Get a room!" someone shouted.

We stopped almost immediately. To my dismay, it was Teena who shouted at us and she was coming over.

"Something wrong, Teena?" I asked her.

"Yeah, this isn't a motel!"

"We were just leaving, right?" Mike said, his eyes pleading with me to leave.

I sneered at her and turned to leave. Then, under her breath, she said: " That's what I thought…"

"What did you say?" I was getting angry..

She walked up to me, a drink in her hand.

" I said: That's. What. I. Thought." she poured her drink down the front of my dress. I felt like I was in a teen movie. I gave Teena a shocked look. She smirked and stomped off. Mike called after her to come back and apologize to me. We went outside and I tried not to cry. He asked me if I was okay. I assured him I was. We called a cab. He asked me five times on the way back to my apartment. He was such a gentleman, walking me to my door. When we got there was when I broke down.

"That was horrible. She's such a bitch. I can't believe I associated myself with her."

"Not to sound first grade, but she started it," He half smiled and I laughed a little.

"True. Well goodnight, Mike. This evening wasn't a complete disaster, thanks to you."

"Happy to be of service. Goodnight, Connie." He turned to leave.

"Mike, wait,"

He turned and looked at me expectantly, like he knew what I was going to say.

"Why did you kiss me longer than necessary?"

"I got a little carried away…I do like you. Under different circumstances, we could be together."

"I would quit in a second if it meant I could be with you," As soon as I said it, I wish I hadn't.

He looked down and scratched his head, sighing as he looked back at me.

"I couldn't ask you to do that. Not for me, anyway. I'll see you on Monday. Have a good night," He gave a little wave then walked down the hall.

He didn't know how much I loved him.


End file.
